When you become a parent every warns you about the sleepless nights, the messy weaning stage and teething, but no-one warns you of all the stuff you’ll have to learn on the fly.
Face painting for example. Last week Annie asked me to paint her face to look like a clown. I was touched that having seen my atrocious drawing skills she still thought I would be capable of doing that!
I dug out the face paint but having not used it before didn’t realise you were supposed to mix it with water so just smeared it onto her face with my finger (which must have hurt a bit and looked awful). After moaning what a waste of money the face paint was I suddenly had a thought, ‘oh yeah, I wonder if adding water would help?’ – doh.
When I went to paint her face properly I realised that beyond the nose and big red mouth I had no idea what a clown should look like. Luckily Annie didn’t know this was the case and was very happy with the results.
In addition to face painting you also need to spontaneously develop skills in the following fields, drawing (everything and anything), cooking fun looking food that kids will actually eat, an array of voices to be brought out when reading books – just make sure you remember what ‘the little mole’ sounded like because he’ll need to sound that way until they learn to read themselves!
You’ll have to become adept at building towers and castles from Mega Bloks and Lego, fashioning a towel into a ‘beautiful princess dress’ and you will need to know that answer to every question in the world, because 4 year old girls are the most inquisitive creatures on the planet!
I can’t help but feel that parenting should come with badges like in Brownies or Scouts. I think this clown makeup would have definitely earned me the ‘face painting badge’.
What skills have you added to your resume since having kiddos?